It’s Valentine’s Day and love is in the air
No the essential ingredient isn’t chocolate. Although it might run a close second.
In March, my husband and I will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. We’re astonished that we’ve been married that long. Not that we didn’t think we’d make it. Who when they get married predicts they won’t? Rather, we’re astonished that 40 years have gone by so quickly.
Did you know that time passes faster at higher altitudes?
I discovered that only recently. It’s true. You can check it out here. It’s called gravitational time dilation. Einstein first proposed it in his theory of relativity and it’s been scientifically proven.
Where was I in physics class?
I had it all wrong because I thought humidity not altitude kept wrinkles at bay. I still don’t understand the concept but it piques my curiosity so don’t be surprised if I write about time in the near future.
In the meanwhile, I’m wondering how much younger I would be had we chosen to live at sea level rather than 2000 feet. We did live several years in Vancouver so perhaps that helped. But no, altitude isn’t the essential ingredient either.
Love will keep us together.
My hypothesis about why our marriage has lasted is that I told my husband he had to find vows that didn’t have “obey” in them. I said I could promise to love him until death do us part, but there was no way I’d promise to obey him. Obey? Really? I’d break that before the wedding was over so why would I set us both up for broken marriage vows?
I had no intention of living a married life based on obedience to him. This was after-all a partnership. A teeter-totter where our strengths, not gender leads the way. He was good with that and found us beautiful vows where I didn’t have to promise obedience.
In seriousness though, my husband had the essential ingredient.
Throughout the years, good and bad, he always maintained that love is a commitment not an emotion. And that’s the essential ingredient. Love’s preservative.
Let’s face it. Anytime two people are in the same room, differences arise. Emotions are fickle. They fluctuate minute by minute throughout the day. Love is ephemeral because we think of it in terms of feelings.
If love was an emotion we wouldn’t have made it this long.
I don’t feel much love when I’m tired. Or worried. Or hangry. Budd says he packs extra snacks that he can toss my way when I’ve gone too long without food. I think he exaggerates the point. I get a little cranky perhaps but nothing serious.
They say familiarity breeds contempt and of course the better you get to know someone the greater the likelihood that you’ll discover irritating idiosyncrasies. I could give a list of things that bug me, but then I’d have to give equal voice to him and I know that at the top of the list would be my trail of socks.
And I hear enough about socks. It’s getting old. Plus, sometimes ignorance is bliss and I’d rather not rehash my shortcomings on Valentine’s Day.
“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”.
I Corinthians 13:7
Relationships aren’t all champagne and roses and chocolate kisses.
It’s messy and real. There’s joy and heartache. Fun and boredom. Contentment and disgruntlement. We argue and debate. Neither of us gives in easily. He’s more level headed. I’m more hot headed.
His shins are bruised (mostly metaphorically) from me kicking him under the table because, unlike me, he doesn’t put his thoughts through endless wash cycles before he speaks. And he lets everyone know when I’ve kicked him by asking, “What was that for?”
Throwing darts with my eyes, I turn the wash machine to the delicate cycle while everyone waits expectantly for my response.
Our family is amused by our exchanges.
To the point that they’ve suggested we should apply to be on “The Great Canadian Race”. But I fear my thoughts would get stuck in the spin cycle and that wouldn’t make for good entertainment.
And speaking of our kids. We’d both do anything for them. Daughters, sons-in-law, grandkids. Budd and I may compete with one another when skiing, or hiking, or playing crib, but when it comes to our family, we stand united in our love and support of them. They amaze us and bring us endless joy.
We’ve each made sacrifices for the other’s success and we’ve pushed each other on.
Sometimes it feels like we’re pushing each other over the edge. But we haven’t. Not yet anyhow. But we have pushed each other to take risks and to work towards our better self.
We’re each other’s biggest fans and we’re committed to one another.
Love’s essential ingredient is commitment.
Where there’s commitment there’s trust and where there’s trust there’s safety. Safety in the knowledge that ‘we’ together are better. And stronger. And because of that we dream about our future and find our way through the hard times, knowing that even though pots of gold are a myth, rainbows are a certainty.
Below is I Corinthians 13. The love chapter. It’s so beautiful.
13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
The world desperately needs love.
And the essential ingredient of that love is commitment. Not just love within families, but love for our neighbor, our community, our world. A commitment that no matter how difficult life is, we will support and love each other.
And this is what love looks like.
“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”.
I Corinthians 13:7
May you love and be loved. Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Simply . . .
~ Priscilla
P.S. What essential ingredient do you think makes love sustainable? We’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas. Leave them in the comments below.
P.S.S. After posting about mirrors on Tuesday, the irony of writing about our life is not lost on me. I hope though that this is a window rather than a mirror. A window that challenges all of us to look outward to the needs of others.